December 31, 2007
December 24, 2007
Just got done watching "Ebert and Roeper", which is a fave of mine. I'm a movie buff, especially foreign and independent films. Can't help but feel it was much more fun when Siskel and Ebert were kicking it around. That Ebert - an amazing writer (Pulitzer prize winning actually).
I've logged in tonight on Niteflirt, and it's busier than usual - all those Mistresses nestled into their warm homes, celebrating the season, and taking a well deserved rest from work! I'm giggling wickedly, thinking of so many things...
December 15, 2007
December 11, 2007
The weather has gotten very cold of late, makes the skin shiver out of doors, and want to be snuggled in tight while indoors. Winter time is when my birthday happens, we'll see which sweet slaves remember Mistress right!
In other news, a new indie movie has been released called Juno, about an young pregnant woman, and her relationship with the new adoptive parents. While the subject matter might sound at first like typical Lifetime television fodder, I'd have to say this looks like an interesting trip. Diablo Cody, screenwriter, and director Jason Reitman were recently interviewed on Fresh Air with Terry Gross (N.P.R. radio). It sounds like a quirky, insightful, entertaining flick. That and, Diablo Cody, who gave birth to this story herself, talked honestly about her previous experience as a stripper, and a phone sex operator, during the Fresh Air interview.
An interesting twist to Cody's story? She was discovered as a writer, because a studio/editor found her phone sex operator blog, thought she was an amazing writer, and gave her the opportunity to write the screenplay.
There may be there hope for me yet :)
December 1, 2007
One of my cherubs called tonight after a few weeks off for the holidays. Sweet Alan. When this boy gets on a roll, I best block off my entire night because he will keep talking, drinking and serving me until dawn! Good thing he's fun company :)
This evening he called, 3 sheets to the wind, a little pissy due to me being busy with another client in a 3 hour session. Seems Alan had gotten started without me. At this point it's a maintenance thing, occasional shots while we catch up on his career and romance (or lack thereof) details...
Alan is the sweetest little (in more ways than one, ahem) man, who enjoys wallowing in his own self pity. And he cusses up a storm, venting about every little frustration in his working world. I give him assignments most weeks, which he does dutifully, and typically I include a confidence building exercise. As much as I love controlling and demeaning my sublets, I need them strong in other ways.
This evening, after he'd downed almost an entire bottle of Crown Royale, telling me how very much he loved me, and how much he loved a certain luscious lady in his office, he fell into a deep sleep, snores and all. His alarm clock started blaring from his bedroom, and the boy was so conked, it went on for over 10 minutes, and he slept in oblivion. Our session ended with the typical Niteflirt, "One minute remaining..." warning. And he actually slept through that!
I'll be checking in on him later today, to make sure he's safe and sound. Another fun night in the life of this Mistress!
November 24, 2007
This week, one remarkable little sub asked for email hypnosis, combined with financial domination. I love writing silky words and wrapping little boys around my outstretched finger... Before we finished, he'd paid over $100 in paid email fees, and $350 in tributes! And to think, he never actually picked up the phone for a chat... all textual seduction. Mama like!
It's getting chilly this time of year, bundle up the bits when your out of doors. And of course when you're indoors, we'll unwrap everything and start something wicked!
November 15, 2007
I've just finished watching "I, Claudius," the classic BBC drama of Rome and its ancient intrigue, murder, lust and power. And those last juicy bits, I gather we all know a bit of, yes?
I've pondered how many crave power, leadership, the spotlight of it all. And we've all seen idiots rise to the top, with enough money, luck or family influence.
"I, Claudius" is based on a book by Robert Graves, about a lame stuttering member of the royal family in ancient Rome, and how over many years and decades, those who were smarter, better looking, and more promising, were murdered, shamed, or politically out maneuvered. Then, against his will, Claudius was named emperor to it all, and proved to be one of the best leaders ancient Rome had ever seen.
Thus the oxymoron of sorts - he who was perceived of as lame and useless, was the strongest and best man for the job. And the similarities within BDSM... surrendering one's ego, acquiescing and allowing your own humility as a submissive, grants you such strength, within your reach.
When I work with my slaves, while I maneuver and magistrate over their tingling skins and throbbing humilities, I ponder power, submission, and the roots therein. My submissives pay through the nose for my time, however they are such sweet morsels to me. I coddle them in my warm palm, watch them quiver, anticipate.
I work best with slaves that entertain me, either with their rare vulnerability, or their wit and charm. We are both to enjoy this trip.
November 7, 2007
The week continues with some very long winded boys (although my bank account opens up and says AHHHH *gulp). hehehe!
Alan is becoming a fast favorite of mine, he's such a lonely little sweetheart. To up the ante during our last 7 hour phone session, he risked going out on his back porch stark naked. At 7 in the morning. Granted, he was drunk as a skunk, and strangely aroused by the outdoor outing. Had to keep talking him back inside, because his boner, and state of inebriation, kept his reasonable mind at bay. No worries, we spent another night together, getting him extremely drunk. I even recorded a rant he went on, about a particular coworker who's been making his life miserable. Can't wait to play it back to him sober!
Mistress is feeling a little sleepy just now, time for a snooze. A pinch and a kiss for you!
November 2, 2007
Mistress was kept busy last night for 7 hours by her faithful batman boy slave. Yes, he did pay through the nose. And seemed to be loving every minute of it :) We experimented with back yard nudity and humiliation, intoxication. I rather like this one, sweet little heart, whimpers so lovely!
Mistress is fighting a bit of a cold, and is taking the night off of work (tonight's Friday). Will be back at it Saturday methinks! Love hearing from you via email on Niteflirt too!
October 24, 2007
There are many shades in the BDSM world of servitude. One of my clients, "Roger", calls me every month or two, usually for a 2-3 hour conversation, for counseling. His wife is a prominent owner and manager of a company, and in the past? He had his own career. He ended up whoring around, sleeping with dozens of women while still married to his wife. She did find out. She was very hurt. And?
If Roger wanted the chance to stay with her? He was going to accept a new set of rules! They enlisted in something called "The Program." This is a structure in which Women control men sexually, and are accepted as the Superior. Roger now does not have a paid job, is completely dependent on his wife financially, and is officially owned, full time.
We talk about managing his feelings, and accepting his role as an owned male with a life mission of worshipping the Goddess that is his wife. It is rare for a submissive male to have such an opportunity.
Clients like this, make me love my job! Validation of the Female species, yet also empathy and support for those struggling with their identity, in relation to it.
. . .
Give me a ring and tell me what you'll be dressing up as for Halloweenie! Kisses and ass slaps sublets and slaves!! Shout out to the sissies too :)
October 19, 2007
Went on an excursion to a local casino and tore it up! After many hours of blinking lights and bells and whistles, I meandered home and had a good long sleep. Such an adrenalin rush, that casino thing! Love knowing boys like you pay for my occasional daliances! hehe
Clients have been keeping the phone line busy this past week! I might need to get new batteries for my cordless phones, seems all this yakking to slavelettes is burning through the battery life!
I'm feeling slightly sadistic tonight. Maybe you'll benefit from this little one.... !
October 10, 2007
When I have a regular slave who seeks to serve, I draw up assignments, like any good teacher would do. Alan is proving to be a very good student indeed, generous with Amazon gifts, and hours on the phone with Me. The little one wore a ribbon around his shrunken little pecker at work Monday, just so he'd remember me all day long, and know that as pathetic as that nub is, it's Mine!
Flight attendant Bill was back in action, he's one of my most submissive grrls. He apparently was able to find his X rated fetish movies in a New York store on layover, movie's he's actually the star of!! Well, the Mistresses who bent him over, and rode him to a pulp are actually the stars. He's more of a prop methinks. A *very* willing one! *giggle
Listening to Santana, considering a long bike ride. Gotta keep the gams firm, n'est pas? Kisses and nipple twists!
October 3, 2007
He was drunk as a skunk when he lit up my line! This type of boy take a bit to figure, since on one hand he craves for a particular girl of his dreams. Batman boy *also* gets off on the humiliation, submission, and utter loneliness that obsession (and I) can deliver!
We rolled around, vox to vox, while I forced more beer into his belly, listening to his self pity about how sweet Heather didn't know he was alive. 5 years now, he's longed for this beauty. She's a friendly girl too, bet she'd give him a shot, if he'd find the courage to speak.
He does such dirty things when he thinks of her! He strokes off in public restrooms, in the sink, if you can believe it! With people just outside! Do you think they know he's jacking off, just inside the door?
Something so comfy this lonely Friday night, spent shedding money into my Niteflirt account, for this boy. The soothing numb of yet another drink, seems to sate his craving little beast.
6 hours later, he'd run out of beer, and finally grew sleepy enough to catch a few winks. I was giggling, at the bag of contradictions such a submissive boy embodies. Smiling as well, at the bag of cash I'd made, knowing he'd be calling again, when his 4 walls remind that he needs his humiliation fix...
September 25, 2007
I'm in the mood to mix it up a little, and lowering my price for a bit seems to get a few boys who want a taste of Mistress Ruby...
EDITED TO ADD: The special was a blast, and many of you took advantage of the window of opportunity! Check here every week or so, I like surprising you with such things!
September 16, 2007
I've always been of the mind that a little hair is good. Especially when it's just long enough to feel tingling on the finger tips. Brings me back to a rather fond memory at university, after a long night of dancing and a wild drive to the country. We'd snuck in the barn, and in the January coolness, this military boy went down on my lovely bits. His blonde hair was short and spiky against my fingers, and I loved feeling that texture while being seen to...
I started trimming the naughty bits back when a boyfriend brought over a trimmer for the back of his neck. We took care of this, then decided to take a slow Sunday trimming each other up. Was an erotic little project, especially after the task was finished...
Shaving to me is trimming, gone too far! God/Goddess put fuzzy there for a reason (friction, etc.), and when things are completely nekkid, they just look a tad bit... creepy!
There's a few thoughts from this Mistress mind!
September 14, 2007
A black man with a 4 inch appendage, looking more like a big toe than a real c*ck... what can one say? Humiliating, cruel little quips? Evil giggles along with sheer shock that it actually works? I love making it very clear to this mumbling little man, his penis has doomed him, to the darkest pockets of lifetime virginity!
Today, I work out very soon, then a massage this afternoon, paid for by my sweet slaves out there! Thank you all for paying a servant to slide their hands over my naked flesh, while you're stuck in your room stroking Goddess knows what... Kisses and ass slaps!
September 3, 2007
Jezebel from Vegas just couldn't stay away, partying with all his fucking might, then coming home from the pool party de jour, and getting a great entrance from his Mistress of the evening... love listening to that sh*t! I love forcing a boy to take these objects of opportunity to task, sliding them into places they really shouldn't be, and listening to them enjoy every inch of it!
I had a curious little urchin scurry out from under a rock to call me. With a nick that made him sound oh so strong and manly, he confessed his darkest secret... He had an old friend, turned enemy, that he wanted, well he wanted... he NEEDED a Mistress to use him with! This c*ck sucker wanted me to show him the ropes, force him down on that hard wood floor, naked knees and all, and introduce him to the biggest dick this Johnny boy had seen! Only to find, after the fountain erupts, it's his sworn enemy spewing his load down his gaping wide throat! That little trip was delicious! *lip smack*
August 27, 2007
My masseuse isn't the friendliest woman. She'll even admit most find her grumpy, if not downright negative. And she does have the crusty exterior. Yet flick off a bit of this subtle earth, and you'll find a warm heart with very strong hands, and a skill with soothing my body knots and sinew....
She reminds me of my clients at times. Presenting with such a gruff exterior, only hiding the dewy morsel of warmth deep within.
August 19, 2007
Had a special little lush boy call with half a bottle of scotch, already down the hatch! He was already slurring a bit, even before I made him drink half of what was left... then the rest. An entire bottle in one evening! And the cash he was spending, made me a happy girl! Here's a shout out for Hungarian
"genetically gifted" boys, who like a little forced intox!
And Jezebel just couldn't stay away. Even after a night on the town and nearly dawn, she just had to call to get things set straight (well not straight exactly, hahah). No ice this time, however a good corn hole and voila, she made such a mess!
August 12, 2007
I ended up bending that sweet little b*tch over and giving him a good pegging. Even added a bit of ice to the mix, to make things a bit chilling! He was all a flutter, out of breath, and seeming so very twitterpated!! hahaha!
Sissies are very good beasts to play with.. Maybe you'll be the next !
July 30, 2007
I've been biking into town this past week to get a bit of exercise, love plugging in my ipod Shuffle while the breeze blows against my skin. Amazing what you can do with just a little legwork, keeps the metabolism in check.
Keep thinking of getting my bellydancing gear out and giving my hips a little more play. The practice always gets me aroused. The band Dead Can Dance has some wonderful music for swaying hips and sensual S curves. And those shimmies....
July 23, 2007
Just another day of stockings and lace! A gift for a boy who bought me those stockings - sweet thanks! I do have a tight ass!
Summer months tend to keep a girl busy. I do love watching the birds in wilderness, flying so gracefully through the trees. Something about the tender beauty and strength, lends itself to my memory of some of my favorite sissy boys.
They strive in their bulky male bodies to sway and be soft, yet stumble without the help of a strong Mistress. Guiding grrls like this, especially while plundering their sweetness, deeply satisfies me.
July 16, 2007
I do crave the sissies though, the sweet little bois who bring their petticoats and stockings. These little gems can be needy and high maintenance, however they whimper so sweetly when forced.... So pliable, so soft and feminine. I've another little grrl, who makes me a very happy Mistress, specifically because of his surrender. I love licking the nectar of crushed pedals....
I'm thankful for my abundance and great clients! Nipple twists and kisses!
July 4, 2007
It's getting warm and I have to admit, I rather like a little sweat... Don't you? I've been pampering myself this past week too, pedicure, massage. The massage might soon become a weekly indulgence. I could get VERY used to that!
My find of the week, on the internet anyway, has been the website www.crossdressusa.com. They have so many outfits, including a few strap on vaginas that are sure to please the right trans grrl lover!! Who knew you could strap on a hole for chrissakes? hehe
Keep it c*mming lovies - xxx
June 25, 2007
I'm remembering a good long session with a stubby little boy... By day? He works in plastic injection molds! by night? He's a blond haired, blue eyed virgin, who gets f*cked up on booze, and lets Mistress use him sooo goood! That CB2000 feel good little one? Here's a little shout out to utlick...
Kevin's back too! Can you imagine being a healthy 35 year old black man, with a ... *gasp... 4 INCH D_CK?? By day, he's an account, and by night? He's begging me to increase my per minute rate, so he can call back again... and again... I guess virgins like this one, need attention too!
Variety is the spice of life, and I do love my work so! Sleep pretty!
June 15, 2007
I've been experimenting with new cinema lately, today slide HBO's "Rome" into my dvd player. First 20 minutes, there's already sex and brutality.. a bit primal in many ways. Will keep you posted on my thoughts, after I've watched a few episodes!
Angels In America, was another recent miniseries I had a chance to watch. Enjoyed the love stories between two men, there is something erotic about two attractive boys, touching, kissing... dare I say c*cksucking *giggle
You've been keeping me busy, generous clients and very sweet slaves... sleep pretty!
May 30, 2007
She whipped out that ... webcam, and gave me a good long show. Forced her to wear the boots you see above! And made her crawl out the door with her ice bucket...click clack down that motel hallway, and forced her to get ice on the first floor!
And here's the slut's proof, ice in hand! She was so drunk and fucked up, that we talked for a good few hours, while I made her drink more, and more... I love little missies like Shawna!
May 22, 2007
And she has this huge wood shop that I keep thinking of converting into a dungeon. Would be the perfect place to take little submissives who come to play... way in the woods where no one will hear you whimper!!
She made us a fabulous meal, the 3 of us, then we retired to the hot tub under the cresent moon and stars. Naked women floating in the warm soothing waters... I told them about a few of my sweet little slaves. My grrlfriends just LOVE hearing the details of the latest discipline!
You'll have to call to find out who was naked, who wore their bathing suit, and JUST what happened after we left the hot tub...
May 3, 2007
Mistress was very sick this past week. Serves me right, I'd been canoodling with a boy weekend before last, and email confirms, he had a nasty cold, just waiting to erupt! (much like other things...). I had to lay low and heal up the pipes before returning to the seduction of your ears...
Hello to MsKate, Mistress extraordinaire. She's a good friend and a wonderful domme! Check out her link on the left....
Kisses and ass slaps!
April 18, 2007
April 12, 2007
Eating what has already been eaten, drinking what has already been drunk, seems to satisfy the itch of a few twisted nipples out there. Happy to obligue, believe me!
Some people forget, crawling around in the shed skin of these boys, is a soft warm heart in need of a bit of care. And others may miss, the elusive nurturing, that only a strap on and ass slap can provide. Simply stated, an oxymoron of sorts... Kisses and nipple twists, little ones!
April 4, 2007
Today, because I am a generous Mistress, I'm going to do another special! I like "you diserve a strap-on today" bargains! A little more bang for your buck, hm? Once a month is about right for such things...
$1.69/minute, today, until I feel I'm done with such drivel. I'm sure by the weekend this sweet deal will dry up. So get to it!
Kisses and nipple twists!
March 25, 2007
I have a particular slave in Second Life land (http://www.secondlife.com/) who is a fan of feminization. He tells me he's a 19 year old boy, in real life, living with his parents, and with his meager $5/week allowance, he saves to pay for his sessions with me! Zak is the little one's name....
He's been begging me to put his picture on my blog, and I decided to indulge him. This he, wishing to be a she, has been such a very good little slave! Lately this grrl has been entertaining diaper fantasies, and says he sneaks and steals his mothers panties, wearing them in secret! If only she knew...
My very favorite boy this past week has been Stewart, a man with a very responsible job, who completely disintegrates, when forced to wear stockings. He sent me a photo, and it was quite the eyefull! I love chatting with him on his way to work in the mornings, especially while he's on cum restriction. Made him wait all week and finally off his load in a grungy public bathroom Friday! His wife seems none the wiser....
Until next time pets. I'll be running another special in April, so stay tuned!
March 13, 2007
Thurs. AM update: The special has been wonderfully successful! As such, I've decided to continue it one more day. Such a bargain.... *8-)
I'll be running this special once a month (maybe twice, if I'm generous!). Clients will get a Niteflirt email notification! How very organized :)
March 7, 2007
Sweet little Daniel, California cutie, decided to give me a good long call this week. Oh this boy is definitely a blender of issues, take your pick! A pinch of cuckolding, sleep deprivation, a dash of tease and denial? You bet! This little one's wiring has gone quite awry, and he'll be the first to admit it. A boy who takes erection pills, only to keep himself dissatisfied and hard. Now THAT is my kind of minion!
He promised he'd keep from cumming this week. We'll see if he's got what it takes, to keep that eruption at bay. I love men with willpower, especially when it involves one more day of not cumming. This one really has no business calling me, especially when his ex gets sooo very much of his money as it is. Well his ex, and the man she left Daniel for. Cancel that subscription to the New Yorker my luv, sleep with that buttplug in place, and we'll chat about the next step in your path of destruction...
Sometimes talking with a mistress like me, helps satisfy that itch. Remember how good it feels, dragging your nails over a fresh mosquito bite? The little gnat that slowly sucked the very blood right out of you, and left you a welt to remember her by. Oooh...
Strangely enough, the healing that comes with this kind of surrender, is many times worth the risk. Face the day and earn your keep, young ones, you've got a mistress to call...
February 27, 2007
Along comes a boy like David. I was considering a bit of sleep, and as chance would have it, a southern boy gives me a ring. Another one of the small dick boys, you know the drill. A bump that is embarrassingly small, and a boy that's been laughed out of bed a dozen times or more. He's a complex one, several fetishes all wrapped up in one little mind. *Just* my type!
Turns out he's had some very mean mistresses in his past (yay!). The type that would leave you in chastity for months at time, only to offer you release... in front of a group of women, and ONLY if you fucked... the date they'd chosen for you. The vinyl girl, much like Woody Allen's oggling above. Can you just TASTE the wave of humiliation, as it escaped his pores? The sheer trauma of it all?
Apparently this made an impression on little Marilyn (his sissyish name), because the boy is now in possession of 6 different vinyl grrls. Redheads, brunettes, a few black girls to boot!
Now I lay me down to sleep, girls of vinyl sure do squeek..... Sleep pretty!
February 23, 2007
All that erotic, sensual power, mixed with pain and joy, dancing in dozens of women! All wearing black, gyrating, celebrating, and proudly singing, "This IS my vagina!! Here me roar!".
I *always* leave Vagina Monologues turned on! Of *particular* interest to me was, "The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy"... a monologue in which a dominatrix discusses the details of her career and her love of giving women pleasure. I was SO thinking of my sissy girls, the boys dressed up in silk and stockings, remembering how deeply I'm satisfied by their moans and gasps!
It is your grunts and moans, those whimpering gasps, the ones that tell me you're not quite satisfied yet, that keep me coming back to this line of work! Thank you sissy grrls! Thank you!
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to find this particular monologue, and the next time we chat, give me your thoughts on the content.
Nipple twists and spankings - M Ruby
February 8, 2007
I'm starting to feel a bit frisky, haven't had much time for good dancing at a hot dance club. Need to make that happen!
I've been pondering getting one of those barbell sets that adjusts every few pounds, I think Bowflex has a set? Sometimes I just can't get to the gym when they're open, yet like the flexibility to work out when I please. Such is the life of a nightowl. I want to get my "guns" nice and toned. Might need them for training later...
There are a few small c*ck boys out there I've been feeling particularly sad for. Even had one send me a photo of his tiniest pecker this week. He's become a cuckold you see, since his girl just ... well she married the boy, before actually checking the goods, and now she's stuck with a thing that doesn't really do the job. Figures. I'm glad she's empowered enough to put him in his place, let him know indeed, she IS fucking others, and cuckie's good enough to clean her up after. I suppose that is *something*. :)
Get strapped in for the weekend, I'll be logged in quite a bit! And you know how dissapointed I get when you forget to bring props! Ice, clothing pins, booze, dildos, should do for a start. Or at least your pecker and your hand. I *know* you won't forget to bring those two when you call!!! haha
January 31, 2007
Had a very intriguing boy today, chatting away with me... he was very nervous, and called on my Lingerie and Stocking listing... for some reason he was very taken with my thighs. Those muscular legs that I work hard to keep firm? Yes indeed, that IS me in the photos :)
I'm considering nicknaming him Thigh Boy, although Doug will suffice! The tremble in his voice when I talked about squeezing his head snuggly between my strong quads... makes me smile just thinking about it.
Took on a new little sissy named Angelina this past week too. This english accented lass, was prime for the picking. Can't WAIT for her to get a few toys for her sweet torment. Her training will be a special treat. I covet the taking of a grrl's virginity..
I'm ready for spring to get here, this cold weather is unfun! I can say it's helping me get my weight routine tweaked and cleaned up (working out indoors is so much more appealing in cold weather!). Do like the results my arms are getting... Going to bump to 15 lb. barbells next week...
Kisses and ass slaps!
January 24, 2007
Partying with a few slave boys and sissy grrls. That would be me on the left, riding the boy :)
I know some of you grrls and bois have an appreciation for a strong, sensually dominant woman, and to you I say, GET IN LINE!!! hahah! I've been craving a few CBT boys lately, and they've been a bit sparce. Come on little lovelies, you're denying mistress her R.D.A. of gasps and grunts! Bring it on!
I've been playing in Second Life (www.secondlife.com) quite a bit. That shit is addicting! Here's a shout out to Wendy Lemay of Second Life, who has a FABULOUS Forced Feminization estate, the best I've seen, in the game! I'm "Rubyred Silverstar", do say hello if you see me. Do also realize, I'm working while there, so my hello may be brief and slightly bitchy :).
Back in Niteflirt land, Monday was the financial domination day this week, for some reason. Even had a few unsolicited emails, from boys bragging, "I've already paid so much, more than anyone's ever paid you before... I'm afraid to call you." Big words, hm? Tommy Boy... you need to pick up the phone luv. My time's valuable sweets.
Another place I love to hang out online is IRC.BONDAGE.COM (the program MIRC can get you connected to this server). I'm MsAlchemy there, and love chatting up a few minutes, before taking a call. Emphasis, a few :)
Happy hump day, little ones.
January 10, 2007
What shall you find here? Catalystic convergence for the pervert in all of us. I've been
wrapping around the curve of your sensual submission, since 2006 - on the phone, anyway. And, before this? A few degrees, a good spell in corporate America, and the dissillusionment that comes from the changing landscape of Information Technology in these United States. Network administrators lose their jobs, for a much cheaper workforce across the seas.
MsRuby ponders her options. Independence being the state in which this little miss thrives, what do we do, in these changing times?
Turn to the thing which you love best. Playful reparte with boys who love girls, especially missies with strap ons and clamps. Yes, my pet, that would be me.
Settle down on the cozy couch for a spell, and take a walk through this mind of mine. You'll be entertained, at the least.